I have a conundrum. I have recently discovered that my husband's sweet 99 year old Grandma is a racist. I know it isn't that surprising given her age but it still comes as somewhat of a shock to me since in the 9 years I have known her, she has never once shown any racist tendencies. Obviously, she was the whole time and now that she is suffering from age related dementia, her internal filter has been turned off and she says and does things which are questionable at best.
She can't be left alone anymore so my in-laws moved in with her and sometimes, when they need to run errands, I come and babysit Grandma for them. It was on just such an occasion the other day when she saw an inter-racial couple on television and made the comment that she just doesn't agree with "colored men" marrying white women. I was kind of blown back and didn't know what to say at first. It was one of those moments when a million things run through your head in about .5 seconds, some of which were
1. I can't believe she just said that!
2. Do I say something or just let it go?
3. If my children were older I might be able to let it go and explain later but they aren't, they are 4 and 2 which means they are at an impressionable age where they are always watching adults around them.
4. If I try to say something, am I going to make the situation worse, arguing with a senile old woman?
5. If I say nothing, are my children going to get the impression that it is okay to not confront racism when they see it or worse, think it is acceptable to hold beliefs like that?
So I decided in those .5 seconds that I should say something so my children would see first hand that I am not complicit with Grandma's views and that there is a way to casually confront without arguing. So my response was, "Oh yeah, why is that?" At which point Grandma just kind of laughed and said she just didn't think it was right. So I responded, "Well, times are different and there is nothing wrong with it. People are just people, it doesn't matter what color your skin is." At which point she laughed again, what I call the senile laugh. A kind of condescending, bewildered laugh all rolled into one and then she drifted back into her own thoughts.
I have really struggled with that situation for the past several days. Did I say the right thing? Should I have said something more or said it differently? What do I do if (when) something like it happens again? How do I make sure that I set a good example for my children about confronting wrongs, minimize their exposure to negative ideas while at the same time not sheltering them because they will have to face it at some point?
A big thank you to Ambro and FreeDigitalPhotos.net for the picture of the elderly woman.
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