Yesterday while I was out shopping, I ran into an acquaintance I hadn't seen in a while who has 3 boys. While we were catching up, we started talking about the various comments we have both heard regarding having all one gender and how infuriating they are.
So, for those who might be wondering, here are 5 things you should never say to someone parenting all one gender, unless of course you really don't like them and you simply want to piss them off.
*for simplicity sake, I will write these from my perspective but feel free to substitute boy, girl, husband, wife, etc. as appropriate*
1. While they are pregnant- So are you hoping for a boy? or Maybe you will get lucky and have a boy this time!
I always answered this question with, "yeah or maybe I will get lucky and have a girl!"
2. Oh your poor husband, stuck in a house full of girls. I wonder what he did to deserve that!
Ummm, obviously he did something right to be BLESSED with having 3 wonderful girls who completely adore him.
3. So are you going to try again for a boy?
Oh, because apparently a family isn't "complete" until you have at least one of each.
4. I feel sorry for you! or I couldn't do it!
Okay, why? What is so terribly wrong with having all your children be the same gender? When did our society get this crazy idea in their heads that you have to have both?
5. We want to have 3 kids, but if we have 2 girls we are stopping there. We don't want to risk having 3 girls.
Do you have even the remotest idea of precisely how offensive that remark is to me, a mother to 3 wonderful little girls? As my friend said, "This isn't Burger King! You don't get to have it your way!"
The underlying theme and feeling that we, as parents of same gender children, get when you make comments like this is that there is something wrong with one of my children. I especially hate it when people make these remarks in front of my children. Mr. Gem and I didn't find out what Munchkin was until the delivery room so I constantly got asked, while out with my daughters, what I was having and when I would say I don't know people would ALWAYS remark with number 1 up there. All I could think was, "how would I feel if I were standing here and someone asked my mom that question?" and my answer was always invariably, "well, I would feel like there was something wrong with me or something wrong with being a girl since everyone is saying mom and dad should have a boy. Should I have been a boy? Would things be better if I were?"
Now I am sure it would be easy to write off those feelings as being pregnant and hormonal except that I have felt and still do feel that way even when I am not pregnant and the other parents of same gender children that I know share the sentiment. I realize that people just don't think about it and they certainly aren't trying to be cruel when they make these comments but it doesn't take away the fact that you are suggesting or implying, many times to my children's faces, that something is wrong with them, especially the youngest because obviously, mom and dad were "trying for a boy" when they conceived you and you didn't come out right.
Do we sometimes wonder what it would be like to have one of the other gender? Of course we do, but that doesn't mean we would trade what we have for the world. I wonder what it would be like to be royalty as well but if someone came tomorrow and offered me the chance to join the royal family I wouldn't even dream about taking it. I love my life, I love my kids and I am blessed beyond all measure to have what I have.
I will do another post in a few days (here it is) highlighting the best things about having all one gender. So tell me, if you have all one gender, what are the worst comments you have heard about it?
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